The Co-Sleep Conundrum

Hi there! For those who aren’t aware, I’m a father. I bring that up because it’s going to be a little disorientating reading something about this on the internet that doesn’t directly address “mommy”. I’m a dad. So strap in. But don’t worry, ladies, this is for you too.

A lot of people, recently, have been talking to me about the fact that me and my wife co-sleep with our two kids. Not really sure why this has become a thing of fascination but I’m more than happy to explain and talk about it.

First, let me explain what happens and then we’re go to the FAQ.


Here’s The Situation:

situation


Now here’s the situation:

Me and my wife have two kids. Damian, who’s almost three, and Malcolm, who’s turning one tomorrow (cash is ok and preferred, gift givers). Me and my wife sleep in two different rooms. My wife, Polly, sleeps with Malcolm because he’s still breast feeding. I sleep with Damian in the other room.

They lay next to use and eventually fall asleep next to us. Sometimes on our arm, sometimes on their own. But they don’t fuss, they’re happy, we talk to them a little, and then they zone. Because Damian no longer breast feeds he’s usually asleep in, I don’t know, 10-15 minutes.

After they go to sleep, we (the parents) get out of our respective beds and head down stairs where we do adult things like Netflix, video games, screw on the internet, or adult things. Eventually, we, ourselves decide it’s time for bed and we go upstairs, lay down, and fall asleep.


Now for the FAQ:

Here’s a bunch of things that people ask about co-sleeping with my answer.

But how can you and your wife deal with not sleeping together?

Because we’re adults? Not sure if you realize this but a lot of the time you sleep, you’re actually unconscious so it’s not like you’re hanging out. And if you’re talking about “sleeping together” and word sex like that because you’re 15, well, you can actually do that anywhere in your house. It’s kinda neat. So it doesn’t hinder that.

But don’t you miss your wife?

I get this one a lot and it makes me chuckle. What relationship are you in where the only time you hang out with your significant other is in bed? That’s just wacky. No, we talk during the day, hang out, go places, and then after the kids are asleep we go downstairs where we hang out and do things for hours without kids. It’s kinda fun.

Aren’t you afraid of crushing your kid?

No? I’ve slept next to people for years and never once got a complaint of my attempts to roll over them in their sleep. Some people might have this problem but I assure you they’re aware because the other person has told them either through words, shiners or a combination of both. I stay on my side, he stays on his.

Are you worried it’s going to stunt his development?

This morning, I woke up and sat up to see my son sitting on the little toilet in the room. He was sitting on it, reading a book to himself, and using the bathroom, on his own. Tell me about how is development is stunted?

Don’t you think that sleeping with someone is a little…sexual?

No. But I’m worried that you think that a parent being in close proximity to their own child and frankly that speaks more about you than me. My son is, honestly, one of my best friends. We talk. He sleeps soundly. I tell him stories. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes he wants to watch an oddly depressing video before bed like Bastille’s “Flaws” or something. Sometimes he’ll do random cute things. Like, the other night, he woke up around 11ish and opened the curtain. He saw the moon and said, “Moon, you need to go to sleep.” Then clouds passed in front of the moon, obscuring it from sight. Damian went, “Ok, have a blanket.” Then he laid down and went back to sleep. It’s fun, it’s hilarious, and I feel good for knowing he feels protected and comforted.

Wouldn’t it be nicer to have your own room?

Would it? I don’t really have a want for that. Honestly, I’m going to miss not crashing with Damian. I’ve been doing it so long I’ll be the one sad to see him get his own room. Not him. I honestly think he’s less than a year away from him sleeping in his own bed too given the fact he doesn’t really get up anymore in the middle of the night.


 

So yeah, that’s it for this, but if you have any legit questions let me know. As long as you’re not an arse or toxic I’ll happily review your questions, allow them, and attempt to answer them. Night kids!

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2 thoughts on “The Co-Sleep Conundrum

  1. I really appreciate your honesty and enjoyed hearing about co-sleeping from a father’s point of view. To me, it sounds like you and your wife have it figured out. Well, at least what works for your family, and that is amazing! I know you said that you will have the harder time when you begin to transition, but do you have a plan when the time comes to transition Damian to sleep in a bed of his own? Happy birthday Malcolm!

    • Hey Lindsay! Thanks for commenting. And actually I do. In the bedroom me and him are in now it’s a twin sized mattress and a Japanese floor futon. When I go back up to sleep I attempt to sleep on the futon. If he gets up and wants me to lay back down in the bed, I do. But it’s happening less and less and I’m letting him choose when it happens so he feels a bit more independent on it. But many nights, I can lay down on that futon and wake up in the morning on the same one. He’s getting there which is why I give it less than a year.

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