Why I Say “Happy Holidays”

Oh shit, I’m going to do THAT post. Brace yourself guys, we gettin’ real.

So, out and about I’m encountering this thing that I’m really not a fan of. People saying “Merry Christmas.”

Hold up.

Before you jump to conclusions are throw out talking points, let me throw some details on there.

I don’t mind people saying “Merry Christmas” if it’s something like they’re just being pleasant and hoping someone has a good 25th or whatever. That’s cool. Well wishing is fun.

I’m talking about these dildos that are going about using it as some sort of attack. If I tell someone “Happy Holidays” and they say “Merry Christmas” two things are happening here.

One, I can tell by your tone that you disagree with me using that term and are throwing Merry Christmas back as a rebuttal which, congrats, you’re going against the meaning of Christmas anyways so in your eyes we’re both wrong.

Two, you can’t really pass it off as NOT an attack because for someone to say “Happy Holidays” and you to respond with something completely different like that is like me saying “Thank you” and you saying “Are we there yet”. No, it’s not a conversational norm so don’t pass it off like you’re not attacking.

Anyways, I haven’t even started into why I say Happy Holidays. How rude of me. Sit back down.

So, we’re a Solstice house. If you need to Wiki that, it’s cool, I’ll be here. You don’t have to, I’m not going to quiz you on it. But we are. I rarely say I celebrate Solstice by name it just so happens to be the thing that mirrors what I want from the holidays the most. I like family, I like food, I like fertility, and I don’t really need to add “financial burden” to the list of holiday F’s.

I don’t mention that because I’m going to try and sell you my particular holiday. I don’t really care what you celebrate. I’m just saying it to better explain myself.

So, when I say “Happy Holidays” to people it’s the knowledge that it’s silly of me to say “Merry Christmas” because I’m not celebrating it. I know precious little of Christmas other than the fact that it celebrates the birthday of a middle eastern baby born in September.

It’s also me understanding that there’s a treasure trove of different celebrations going on this month and I’m not going to be a selfish dick and demand you only focus on mine.

And let’s be honest, that’s what it boils down to. People want to act like the thing they like is the best and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

These people that try and force people to say “Merry Christmas”, to me, ruin the holidays. I went to the store yesterday and had some kid question my parenting because I said that we say “Happy Holidays”. I have a guy whom I have to work with who straight up “corrects” customers who says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”.

Even those fucking flags and stickers that say “Jesus is the reason for the season” are incredibly condescending. Especially if you know the actual history of the “traditional Christmas celebration” and the many religions it stole things from. (If you’re bored, I’ll start you off. Look up the actual origin of mistletoe.) It’s sort of like Christians doing a touchdown dance on the bodies of the people they massacred in an attempt to hide their people and beliefs from the history books.

If you’re one of those people that force “Merry Christmas” on people, you know what you’re being? You know what you’re like?

Imagine there’s this party. It’s an amazing party. There’s a ton of different party games and everyone’s enjoying it. At different hours of the party (which is December in this scenario) people break out different party games with different rules and anyone is welcomed to join in. People are loving it, having a good time, and the party (December) becomes awesome the whole way through.

But then one year, the party happens and they invite someone new. This guy rolls in, way late, doesn’t introduce himself, and just takes all the games and throws them away. Then sits everyone down at a table, breaks out a deck and says, “I can’t stay long, but we’re all going to play Uno. Nothing else.”

You’re that guy. You’re the guy fucking up the party for everyone else.

And IMAGINE how amazing December would be if we’d just fucking be accepting of all celebrations. Imagine if every house on the street felt comfortable throwing up lights for their events. Imagine if Home Depot carried lighting for all denominations and the streets were just awash in decor of all different types. Beautiful, brilliant blue lights and large gaudy outdoor menorahs. White lights and brilliant trees of Solstice (oh yeah, forgot, trees are actually not originally Christmas either, sorry). Hell, strange lights you’re not familiar with for a celebration you don’t understand just being out there and pretty.

Screen Shot 2015-12-15 at 12.12.50 AM

Stores in December (and apparently November now) would actually have a variety of music playing and not the same 10 Christmas songs over and over again. You can’t possibly tell me you enjoy Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” is something you want to hear as often as you hear it. That song is audible water torture.

The world could be so much happier if you’d just stop being a fucking ding-dong and just enjoy yourself so, I don’t know, chill. Enjoy what you have, enjoy what you do, just stop being shitty to others.

Happy Holidays,
Me

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2 thoughts on “Why I Say “Happy Holidays”

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