The “Arrow” What Missed the Mark

*NOTE 1: This contains spoilers.

*NOTE 2: This is just me bitching about a show.  Don’t expect brilliance.

Arrow comes with everything shown here.

I’ve been watching that show Arrow lately with my wife.  You know, the one about the Green Arrow.  We’re watching it and…god help me I can’t tell you why.

It seems as if it’s a show created for the Green Arrow by people who HATE the Green Arrow.  I mean, if you’re wondering why the show is called Arrow instead of The Green Arrow, they addressed it in the episode we just watched in which someone suggested the name “Green Arrow” and Ollie said that sounded lame.

Fuck you.

Seriously, don’t do a show about a character millions love and make him a character who would hate the character we all came to see.  It’s like going to see a band you love play live and getting treated to a Creed concert instead.

I don’t even know where to start with this mess.  I mean, the acting is atrocious.  The main character, Ollie, has one facial expression and the times where he tries something different?  It looks like he’s either having a seizure or drunk.

Shown: Happy, Angry, Sad, Confused, Drunk, Apologetic, Brooding, Surly, Horny, Asleep, Centaur, and Excited

Shown: Happy, Angry, Sad, Confused, Drunk, Apologetic, Brooding, Surly, Horny, Asleep, Centaur, and Excited

And also, here’s a question.  You take a comic character who is a guy, usually by himself, who’s life is action packed and turn it into a show where he lives with his family, his life plays out like the world’s most boring soap opera and he’s got so little to do that each episode is filled with more working out than a gay softcore?  (Um…I’d imagine)

What do us comic fans love?  Intense workouts of course.

What do us comic fans love? Intense workouts of course.

And nothing on the show makes sense, for example, there’s this character, Felicity Smoak (who, in the DC universe is Firestorm’s step-mom but in this universe is a hot 20-year-old.  Weird) who is the IT department for the major company his family runs.  In one episode, the step-dad asks her to look up something.  A few episodes later, she finds more on this and gets yelled at BY THE STEP-DAD.  Then, a few minutes later, he asks her to look up something and when she calls him back with what she discovered…guess what?  He yells at her for calling.  The hell?

*swoon*

*swoon*

Though, I will say, Felicity Smoak, despite her weird origins, is the closest thing this show has to a relateable character.  She’s human for the most part.  Nervous.  Flawed.  Everyone else in this show, I DARE you to care about any of these characters.  Ollie is a flaky d-bag, his sister flips back and forth between loving him and hating him with no warning and no cause, the mother is just aloof and vague, the step-dad is a robot, everyone is just rich people portrayed by stiff actors.  And christ, the supporting cast may as well be reading their lines from a prompter.

And honestly, I’m going to describe to you a scene that LITERALLY HAPPENED in Arrow and I want you to tell me if you can picture the comic book Ollie Queen being involved in ANY of this.  Here we go:

I added the heart to really sell the scene between Ollie (left) and friend (right)

I added the heart to really sell the scene between Ollie (left) and friend (right)

Ollie’s Friend: My dad cut me off from my trust fund.  I’m broke.  I don’t have a cent.
Ollie: Why didn’t you tell me?
O’sF: I was embarrassed, I didn’t want you to know I was broke and needed help.
Ollie: Please, I’ll always help you.  My trust fund is your trust fund.

“My trust fund is your trust fund.”  THAT IS A LINE THAT WAS SAID.  Who the fuck is watching this where they’re going “been there, man”?  I’m more likely to become a hooded vigilante than I am becoming some snot nosed trust fund baby.  I can’t possibly like these characters!

Don't even get me started on the fucking Huntress.

Don’t even get me started on the fucking Huntress.

Another kick in the ass is the murder.  Ollie goes around every episode straight up murdering people with arrows.  Many people die.  Like, he killed Deadshot, he killed random thugs, he kills a lot.  But then meets the Huntress and convinces her that murdering people is wrong and then trains her to stop thugs without killing because killing is bad.  Then, when he finds out she’s killing again, he goes to protects her target from her, and while doing so, kills a bunch of thugs.  He shoots one guy in the face as he’s running up stairs.  With an arrow.  Then, in another episode, there’s a “copycat” Arrow.  You can tell this one’s bad because he’s killing people.  Wait what?  It’s so fucking inconsistent.

Above: Not a teenager.

Ollie’s teenage sister.  As portrayed by a full-on adult woman.  Awkwardly.

Also, there’s no telling what age these people are.  Like, Ollie’s sister (who was made up by the show writers because they hate us) is in high school but is played by a woman who looks like she’s in her mid-30s.  The only way they make you remember she’s in grade school is by constantly putting her in school girl outfits that look like the ones Brittney Spears wore in the 90’s.  And Ollie’s supposed to be full on adult.  And yet, he lives with his mother still and, in one episode, practically flips shit because they’re not throwing a Christmas party.  Like, he catches his dumb sister fucking some dumb guy and he straight up goes, “why are you doing this!  It’s supposed to be a Christmas party?!”  Oy.

This show is so incredibly terrible.  Honestly, it is only the fact that me and my wife love the actual Green Arrow from the comics and cartoons that we keep watching this show.  That and the chance to see John Barrowman act since Stephan Moffat is a diva and won’t let john on Doctor Who anymore despite the desperate need for his character on the show.  And even Barrowman seems off.  Not that he’s acting poorly, it just looks like his body is physically rejecting the show.

Above: Barrowman and puppy because Google says I can, god damn it!

Above: Barrowman and puppy because Google says I can, god damn it!

"One more crack about my alias, buddy..."

“One more crack about my alias, buddy…”

I don’t know.  I want to like it.  I’m honestly giving it a solid try.  But this show is just like…DC slapping me in the face with something I love all over again.  Like, the reboot making me stop reading comic books wasn’t enough.  They had to take one of my favorite characters of all time and just…ruin him.  He’s just a spoiled pretty boy who acts more like amateur Batman than he does Green Arrow.  In fact, the real Green Arrow would beat the holy hell out of this kid.

Whoever created this show should be convicted of a war crime.  Maybe the show gets better after the first season but it would take a miracle.  Here’s hoping.

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