So, I don’t know if people are aware of this or not but I’ve worked on and off at Gamestop’s since the 90’s. I’ve always enjoyed the company and, honestly, it’s a fun job.
Sadly, over time, there’s been this stupid trend in gamers that has been a thorn in my side for years now and it’s getting worse the dumber people get and it came to a head today when I saw someone on my Facebook timeline post this: Continue reading
So, if you have a good enough internet where you can both access and read my blog than you more than likely know that the new Suicide Squad trailer came out. A good sign of this is that half the internet is either gushin’ or fussin’ about it. I have some thoughts. Enough to warrant a blog so strap in. We’re gonna be here for a minute. Continue reading
I’m going to admit, the situation with the Oregon Militia is really starting to worry me. Before you read, know that this article isn’t going anywhere, it’s just me venting and expressing fear over an incredibly stupid situation.
Now, let me make this clear. The Oregon Militia does not scare me. At all. I think they’re one of the biggest jokes to ever enter this country uninvited. In fact, so far, the only person they managed to kill with their guns is one of their own. And, I’ll completely admit, the fact that one of them died fighting over a gun with another one is beyond Stormtrooper level incompetence and sort of hilarious.
Here’s what the Oregon Militia makes me scared of though. Our government.
Think about this. One of the things that started the Oregon Militia on their little temper tantrum is the fact that while they really wanted to use that sanctuary for their cattle, they were, supposedly, coming to the defense of two government authorities who burned down part of the woods in order to cover up their illegal hunting.
So, the Militia comes to the aid of rouge government authorities and, suddenly, the authorities show up and treat these guys wonderfully. Giving them the ability to make food runs, giving them snacks, letting them get deliveries (which you know have weapons in them occasionally) and, as of recent, letting them tear down the fences protecting the endangered species and setting forth to ruin the land with their cattle.
This is what scares me. It’s not that the Oregon Militia is clearly being aided by the government, it’s that the government seems to be more aided by the Oregon Militia.
These actions made by the agents out there that should be stopping them now show something far scarier than a bunch of moronic rednecks. It shows an outright disregard for the law by these federal agents.
I won’t even get into the massive double standard this has cast on the race issues facing America because, holy shit, you cannot deny that fact.
But this is showing signs of an uprising.
Now, I know they can’t win. Rednecks are one of the biggest joke villains in history for a reason. They never win. They’re awful at fighting effectively and, let’s face it, dumb as hell. But they’re VERY effective at getting people hurt by accident and when this comes to a head, which it will, people are going to get hurt and that terrifies me.
Anyways, I just wanted to vent about this. Not really going anywhere just…I don’t know…wanted to dump out some errant thoughts.
If you know me, like, really know me, one of the first things you learn about me is that I want out of Ohio. I do. Ohio is a place of infinite potential but with said potential locked away under layers of stupidity.
I keep telling myself I need to get out. “As soon as I finish school,” I tell myself. And I mean it, I’m going to start looking when I graduate. I have a couple different states I’m looking into.
And it’s not necessarily because I think things are better in other states but it’s that I need a change. But I keep getting scared because I’m, admittedly, afraid of leaving things behind.
Luckily though, Ohio seems to be helping me with that. Removing the things that tie me here at a rapid clip.
Through a series of events I had no control over I’m no longer in the home I’ve been used to for over a decade. It’s not the worst change I’ve had to deal with. I went from a tiny condo filled with black mold to a charmingly creaky two story lake house. But while I enjoy the new place I have no memories here nor does it feel like I’ll have any. I think my wife knows it too as we really haven’t struggled to unpack.
My family is slowly disappearing too. I mean, I love my family. I genuinely do. There’s some days where I stare into the darkness of my room at night and long for a day where I can wake up to find I’m 15-years-old and about to go visit my grandparents knowing that all my aunts and uncles will be there. I miss it. But I also have to accept that it’s not like that anymore and it probably will never be that way again. I haven’t seen a lot of them in years and when I do it feels awkward and forced.
I told someone the other day that the only time I’m ever comfortable around my extended family is at a funeral because it’s the only time we have something in common to talk about.
But over time they all disconnect from me and I don’t really blame them. It’s nothing against them or me. It’s just we’re so different and, as adults, we can just except it.
The thing that came as a shock to me over the last year, honestly, was the friends. I use a thing on Facebook called “Who Deleted Me”. It’s a little thing that gives me a notification and almost every other week I get a notification that someone has, in fact, deleted me.
Honestly though, it stopped hurting as much, it’s just, I’m different from them. I never really fit in here. Even when I have similar interests I don’t really click with them. I could fill my home with video games and my gamer friends don’t come near. I could build the best entertainment center in the world and the cinephiles will never see it. Hell, when I used to keep my kitchen stocked with booze, I couldn’t even harbor a decent alcoholic. I’m just not compatible with this damned place.
My closest friend outside of my wife was this dude named Bill who recently moved to California after seemingly realizing many of the things that I am and, honestly, kudos to him for getting it at a much earlier age than I did.
But it’s getting crazy. I have almost no friends or family to turn to now and it’s such a strange feeling. It’s not necessarily lonely because it’s made my connections with those who still want to talk to me feel stronger and, honestly, I have a ton of people online that will talk to me so I’m never without an ear. But you know what it feels like?
There was a while when I was an alcoholic. I was. I was good at it. I dressed nice, I took cabs, I was charming and polite and fun and loved random places deep in Cleveland. I remember leaning against a sticky wall in some dark bar watching some guy play Jazz on stage, shaking my head, tapping my foot. Dancing at clubs. Having people explain to me whatever the sport was on the TV at a pub.
I had a lot of fun but I had this terrible habit. Closing time meant precious little to me.
I was that guy. I’d hang around even after the lights come on. I’d walk around the bar, feeling the alcohol slither it’s tendrils around the veins in my legs making them tingle as my sobriety would fight it’s way back into control. I’d chat up the employees. I’d even finish my drink slowly, gabbing with the guy mopping the floor as he cleaned around my chair. I never got the hint.
That’s what it feels like to me now. It feels like everyone I know has left. Everyone I could potentially meet is gone. And the only people that are here are the ones that are paid to. It feels like closing time in Ohio and I haven’t even called my cab yet.
So, I was thinking about this last night as I laid in bed getting my kid to sleep about things I could change this year. As of right now, there’s a million balls in the air and I legitimately don’t fully grasp which direction my life is currently going so I had to focus. Look at all the weird winding paths my life seems to be going down and see if there’s one that’s been going the same direction for a while and, if so, if it’s one I WANT to be traversing.
Amid that crazy tangle of paths I noticed one. It was a wide path, beaten for so long it was practically four lanes. It was the path that lead towards unbalanced friendships and I had been on that path for an embarrassingly long time. Continue reading